Once you speak to the often gruff/rarely friendly security person, who gives at best a cursory glance at your ID and ticket, take a moment to assess where to go next.
Do you see a family of five with small children, strollers, etc? Avoid.
Do you see single travelers with laptop bags? Follow them, they know wtf they’re doing and you’ll breeze right through the x-ray/scanning area.
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Back when I was in college, my Da & Mom took me to the Renaissance Faire. I can’t remember where, maybe Clarkston?
It was there that I visited the first of several (always disappointing) psychics.
However, this one said “You will travel a lot. I see you traveling A LOT later in life.”
At that point I’d been to three places: Up North (Michigan), Cedar Point (Ohio) and somewhere with a lovely beach (Canada).
So the idea of me traveling anywhere, let alone A LOT was bewildering.
Yet here I am. On a plane. Right now. Ordering a cocktail.
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I’m absolutely convinced that sadists design the lighting in hotel rooms. It takes an advanced degree in electrical engineering to figure out where the light switch is on most hotel lamps.
The last hotel I was in - the Grand Hyatt in New York - had the fancy touch screen lighting system. I had to hit it three times to get the light on in the bathroom.
Here’s my tip: Go to Target, buy a $3 plug-in night light and forget about finding the switches during those middle of the night potty excursions. Keep it in your bag with whatever other essential travel items you use.
The first time I did this, I thought I was super smart and gaming the hotel light system.
Then I left the goddamn nightlight behind.
Now I use a memory trick - marrying my blow dryer and tooth brush - with my nightlight and I never forget.
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Yes. I bring a blow dryer.
“Hotels have blow dryers. Why would you do this?”
Because when you’re traveling with your mother-in-law to a christening in Connecticut and you oversleep, the last thing you need is a broken hotel blow dryer.
You DO NOT want to be that daughter-in-law, arriving 20 minutes late to the church, for a ceremony you traveled nearly 1000 miles to see.
Bring a blow dryer.
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Planes are without question some of the filthiest places on the planet.
So bring hand wipes. Buy them in bulk if you travel a lot.
And scrub down everything in the immediate vicinity of your seat. Arm rests. Tray table (including that little tab that holds it up in place). And don’t forget the seat belt.
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If you’re like me, your short term memory can be an unreliable little bitch at times
Especially during travel - a lot is going on. You’re dealing with crowds. And if you don’t travel much, it’s all unfamiliar territory.
So here are a couple things to make your trip easier:
- Use a mnemonic to remember your seat number and letter. I use dirty words. 3 asses to Dallas. 7 bitches to New York. 12 dicks to Maui. That way I’m not fumbling with my ticket AND my luggage when boarding.
- Pick a place to keep your phone and keep it there always. Jacket pocket. Outer pocket on your backpack. Wherever but always the same spot. So when it’s not there, you know it’s gone for sure.
- Maybe not the outer pocket of your backpack. I’ve heard too many stories of people being robbed getting on/off planes. So inside pocket on your purse or backpack.
The mnemonic doesn’t need to be dirty words. It could be 12 danishes to Maui. Any pastry will do. 13 eclairs to Minneapolis. 7 bagels to Boston.
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I could devote a whole post to cab drivers. Maybe I will. But I love them. Most of them.
I’ve met people from all over the world, including Eritrea which sounds like a medical term for something in your nether regions. It’s actually a country in Africa. With beautiful beaches.
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I am listening to: “We will be landing soon...”
I am reading: A copy of a book that hasn’t been published yet, given to me as a professional courtesy so long as I don’t share it. It’s meant to be intriguing but you’re probably just annoyed.
And I am: On vacation.
