Unbuttoned

Well it finally happened.

I was on a conference call today and had switched from headphones to speaker so I could plug in my dying iPhone and not be tethered to the wall like the corporate animal that I am.

I forgot switching like that un-mutes the line.

Some woman I don't know was droning on and on about a webcast when the call was all about planning a live, in-person event.

"WHY IS SHE STILL TALKING ABOUT A WEBCAST? WE DON'T NEED A FUCKING WEBCAST!"

Yep. Not on mute.

But there was dead silence on the phone immediately following.
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A co-worker who was on the call ping'd me via IM after:

Kathy: haha you were totally not muted when you were going off about the webcast

Me: I'm so sorry. I realized as soon as I said it. Totally unprofessional.

Kathy: No worries. It gave me a chuckle. You're always buttoned up.
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Buttoned up.

Whoa.

Buttoned up? Really?

What she said really struck me. So it must be true, right?
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1. buttoned-up - (British colloquial) not inclined to conversation
colloquialism - a colloquial expression; characteristic of spoken or written communication that seeks to imitate informal speech; taciturn - habitually reserved and uncommunicative
2. buttoned-up - conservative in professional manner; "employers are looking for buttoned-up types"
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Boy, I shouldn't have gone down the rabbit hole of "taciturn" - yikes.
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I'm actually sorta glad it happened. Like when I dumped my motorcycle for the first time.

I knew it was going to happen. It made me a nervous rider, knowing it was coming. So once I was over the OHMYGODHEREIGO, heart-in-throat, shit-in-pants, stranded in the middle of a four lane Adrenalin Explosion, I was actually quite relieved.

Same with the phone. A thousand nervous potty breaks and now I can pee with confidence whilst on my (muted) phone.
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But...but...but...buttoned up? Have I really become my father?

Background: My Da, bless his huge heart, took fatherhood VERY seriously. To the point that, as a teenager, I was absolutely convinced he didn't even know the f-word. He was buttoned up around us kids because he wanted to be a good role model.

As an adult, there was delight coupled with a tiny bit of anger/mourning over discovering that he was a completely normal guy who not only knows the f-word, but lets it fly occasionally.

Not that knowing/using the f-word is my standard for normalcy. Wait. I think it is, actually.
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The motorcycle is long gone and I don't miss it.

Sure wish I could say the same for my phone.
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I am reading: Little Bee - Chris Cleave
I am listening to: Another conference call, safely muted
And I am: So fucking unprofessional