Day Five

"Well, it's only in the brain stem, how bad can that be?" Mom thought.

It's the stem - something you remove from a piece of fruit - she thought.

Sure. You throw it away and would never think of eating it once the fruit is ripe, but it's pretty fucking vital to the fruit becoming ripe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday she called singing this song by John Denver. I managed to sing along for the first part but broke down too soon.

Apparently she sang it to Da and Eric as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today is our wedding anniversary. Sixteen years. Jim wants normal but I can't do normal. And it's a struggle celebrating anything.

Will she be here for our anniversary next year? Will she be here for Christmas? What will that be like?

How can we make the time she has left enjoyable? She wants fun and laughing and singing and good memories.

What about a trip? What about just having them come to Illinois for a bit?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone says they're praying for her. Surely it helps, knowing they're praying for her, but does it really help?

Is it more helpful, than say, making sure all her appointments are lined up and asking all the right questions and thinking about her comfort and planning ahead? Because with all that, I don't have time to pray (not that I ever would.)

It  might even make her feel better, knowing that her daughter is praying for her. But it would be a lie. I will not be a hypocrite and start praying because I desperately need something. That's the main issue with praying - it's mostly about your needs. And ultimately, who is it comforting? The person doing the praying or the person who needs the praying?

Let the other folks concern themselves with heaven. I'll focus on what's happening down here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am listening to: Train sounds

I am reading: Hitch-22 - A Memoir by Christopher Hitchens

And I am: Attempting normal